Jennifer Ruby

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Gal. 5:1).

"Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person." (p.20)

"Spiritual abuse can also occur when spirituality is used to make others live up to a 'spiritual standard'." (p.21)

Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is "used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or . . . to fend off legitimate questions". (p.22)

"When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person's standing as a Christian - to gratify you, your position or your beliefs, while at the same time weakening or harming another - that is spiritual abuse." (p.23)

"There are spiritual systems in which . . . the members are there to meet the needs of the leaders. . .  These leaders attempt to find fulfillment through the religious performance of the very people whom they are there to serve and build. This is an inversion of the body of Christ. It is spiritual abuse." (p.23)

"The Christian life begins with freedom from dead works, from religious systems and from all human attempts to 'please God'. It's time for many of us to shake off the religious systems and expectations we've created, and return to that joyful freedom in Christ." (p.26)

Abusive leaders:

• They often publicly rebuke or ostracize members who simply disagree with leaders’ opinions.
• They assume they have the right to tell or encourage members who don’t agree with leaders, to leave the church or even to separate from their spouses.
• They view as “spiritually lacking” those who fail to attend their church activities.
• They imply that if you leave, you will be punished by God with misfortune, tragedy, and loss of salvation.
• They hinder relationships with family members.
• They claim that other churches “don’t care” and they brag that they are better than other Christian groups.
• They presume they have the un-Biblical authority to expel members for nearly any reason.
• They believe failure to give money means that spiritual changes must be made.
• They constantly “know your heart” better than God knows it.

"What makes a church abusive?

"Manipulation, shaming, `using' other people -- that's in the church, too. Spiritual abuse happens when authority figures use spiritual means to gratify their desires for importance, power, or intimacy.

Because abusers use spiritual-sounding language, their followers are trapped in legalism, guilt performance, and begrudging service. Johnson and VanVonderen explain how to identify spiritual abuse, break the cycle of abusive spiritual dynamics, and encourage both abusers and victims to repent and recover."

Even though church leaders are supposed to be servants to the body of Christ, many use their positions to dominate. Such leaders refuse to allow any questions concerning their teachings and demand total surrender to their authority. Churches are meant to be safe places where spiritual leaders help their members. However, some churches have become places of spiritual abuse, where leaders dominate others. Through subtle uses of misinterpretation, the church can become a place of legalism, guilt and spiritual enslavement.

Wounds caused by strangers are painful enough. Injuries inflicted by people we count as friends are crushing. Yet the wounds we receive at the hands of fellow Christians cause a wasting sickness of the soul. Left unchecked and unhealed, they affect how we view ourselves, how we relate to other Christians - even how we relate to God.

From the mass suicides of Jonestown to the tragic deaths at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, the consequences of spiritual deception are clear: authoritarian abuse always leads to the loss of personal and spiritual freedom and ultimately death. While proclaiming their orthodoxy in doctrine, numerous groups continue to drift on a slowly receding tide of authoritarianism, aberration, and abuse of power.

What is spiritual abuse?

"Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment"9

Spiritual abuse in the Old Testament:

"An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land. The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule on their own authority" Jer. 5:26 "For from the least of them to the greatest of them, every one is greedy for gain, and from the prophet even to the priest everyone deals falsely. And they have healed the brokenness of my people superficially, saying, 'Peace, peace,' but there is no peace." Jer.6:13-14 "There is a conspiracy of her prophets [religious leaders] in her midst, like a roaring lion tearing the prey.
They have devoured lives; they have taken treasure and precious things; they have made many widows in the midst of her. Her princes within her are like wolves tearing the prey, by shedding blood and destroying lives in order to get dishonest gain." Ezekiel 22:25, 27

In Ezekial 34:1-10, God speaks against the shepherds of Israel for feeding themselves and neglecting the flock.

Spiritual abuse in the New Testament:

Johnson and VanVonderen say the "wolves" referred to in Matthew 10:16 are "false shepherds" who devour the flock. They go on to say that part of Jesus' mission was to expose an abusive religious system in four respects:

1. His confrontations landed on those who saw themselves as God's official spokespersons,
2. Jesus broke the religious rules by confronting those in authority out loud,
3. He was treated as the problem because He said there was a problem, and
4. Crowds of broken people rushed to Him because His message offered hope and rest. page 36

Satan roams around like a roaring lion seeking to devour you I Peter 5:8 - so don't act like food.

Johnson and VanVonderen say that "a wolf does not hate sheep - he just needs to consume them to satisfy his own hungers. It is the unsatisfied hungers - mentally, egotistically, emotionally - that cause a shepherd to devour his own." page 171 Johnson and VanVonderen that Jesus confronted the abusive religious system of his day in Matthew 23 calling the Pharisees a "brood of vipers". They describe Paul's book to the Galatians as "a seething confrontation" against those who would use a relationship with God as a weapon against believers.

Who are the Perpetrators today?

If you reject a gift before you've opened it. You haven't rejected the gift. You've rejected the giver.
 

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS

http://www.watchman.org/profile/abusepro.htm

by David Henke

The most distinctive characteristic of a spiritually abusive religious system, or leader, is the over-emphasis on authority. Because a group claims to have been established by God Himself the leaders in this system claim the right to command their followers.

This authority supposedly comes from the position they occupy. In Matthew 23:1-2 Jesus said the Scribes and Pharisees "sit in Moses' seat," a position of spiritual authority. Many names are used but in the abusive system this is a position of power, not moral authority. The assumption is that God operates among His people through a hierarchy, or "chain of command." In this abusive system unconditional submission is often called a "covering," or "umbrella of protection" which will provide some spiritual blessing to those who fully submit. Followers may be told that God will bless their submission even if the leadership is wrong. It is not their place to judge or correct the leadership - God will see to that.

#2) Image Conscious

The abusive religious system is scrupulous to maintain an image of righteousness. The organization's history is often misrepresented in the effort to demonstrate the organization's special relationship to God. The mistaken judgments and character flaws of its leaders are denied or covered up in order to validate their authority. Impossibly high legalistic standards of thought and behavior may be imposed on the members. Their failure to live up to these standards is a constant reminder of the follower's inferiority to his leaders, and the necessity of submission to them. Abusive religion is, at heart, legalism.

Abusive religion is also paranoid. Because the truth about the abusive religious system would be quickly rejected if recognized, outsiders are shown only a positive image of the group. This is rationalized by assuming that the religion would not be understood by "worldly" people; therefore they have no right to know. This attitude leads to members being secretive about some doctrines and the inner policies and procedures of the group. Leaders, especially, will keep secrets from their members. This secrecy is rooted in a basic distrust of others because the belief system is false and can not stand scrutiny.

#3) Suppresses Criticism

Because the religious system is not based on the truth it cannot allow questions, dissent, or open discussions about issues. The person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue he raised. The truth about any issue is settled and handed down from the top of the hierarchy. Questioning anything is considered a challenge to authority. Thinking for oneself is suppressed by pointing out that it leads to doubts. This is portrayed as unbelief in God and His anointed leaders. Thus the follower controls his own thoughts by fear of doubting God.

#4) Perfectionistic

A most natural assumption is that a person does not get something for nothing. Apart from the express declarations of salvation by grace through faith God has given in the scriptures, it would be natural to think that one must earn salvation, or at least work to keep it. Thus, in abusive religions all blessings come through performance of spiritual requirements.

Failure is strongly condemned so there is only one alternative, perfection. So long as he thinks he is succeeding in his observation of the rules, the follower typically exhibits pride, elitism, and arrogance. However, when reality and failure eventually set in, the result is the person experiences spiritual burnout, or even shipwreck of his faith. Those who fail in their efforts are labeled as apostates, weak, or some other such term so that they can be discarded by the system.

#5) Unbalanced

Abusive religions must distinguish themselves from all other religions so they can claim to be distinctive and therefore special to God. This is usually done by majoring on minor issues such as prophecy, carrying biblical law to extremes, or using strange methods of biblical interpretation. The imbalanced spiritual hobby-horse thus produced represents unique knowledge or practices which seem to validate the group's claim to special status with God.

BIBLICAL RESPONSE

Examples of spiritual abuse are found throughout the Bible. God describes (and condemns) the "shepherds of Israel" who feed themselves rather than the flock, who do not heal those who are hurting, or seek to bring back those who were driven away but rather discard them, ruling with force and cruelty (Ezekiel 34:1-10). Jesus reacted with anger against the thievery of the money changers in the Temple as they misused God's people for selfish reasons (Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:45-47; John 2:13-16). He was angry at those more concerned with rules and regulations than with human suffering (Mark 3:1-5). In Matthew 23, Jesus describes the abusive spiritual leader in great detail. In John 9 the Pharisees "cast out" the man born blind simply because the truth he told about his healing exposed their own corruption. In Acts 7:51-56, Stephen called the Jewish leaders to account over their spiritual abuse. His testimony of Christ vindicated Jesus, whom they had abused, and condemned them. The legalistic Jews were so angry they stoned Stephen to death. In Galatians Paul addressed a performance based Christianity which leads to the abuse of legalism. There are many more such examples.

As God in human flesh, Jesus had legitimate spiritual authority. But He did not exercise it to gain power for Himself, or to abuse and control others with rules and regulations. He said, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). The Greek word for "heavy laden" is phortizo which means here "to overburden with ceremony (or spiritual anxiety)" (Strong's Concordance #5412). Jesus gave a balanced perspective on positional authority when he said, "But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren" (Matthew 23:8). He gave another key to discernment when He taught, "He that speaketh of himself seeketh his own glory..." (John 7:18a).

Jesus was not "image conscious." He was willing to associate with wine drinkers, cheating tax collectors and even prostitutes. He accused the legalistic Pharisees of "teaching for doctrine the commandments of men" (Matthew 15:9) and likened their showy, hypocritical outward rightousness to "whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness" (Matthew 23:27).

Neither was He paranoid. His ministry was conspicuously open to the public. When He was on trial (John 18) He was asked about His teachings and His reply was, "Why askest thou me?" Jesus pointed out that He always taught in public, and never in secret, so why not ask His disciples. He had nothing to hide.

Jesus did not fear to criticize the religious leaders or their faulty doctrines (e.g. Matthew 15:1-9; 23:1-39, etc.). And when confronted with criticism or with treacherous questions designed to discredit Him, His response was never to simply demand silence or only positive recognition from His accusers. Rather, He gave answers - scriptural and reasonable answers - to their objections (e.g. Luke 7:36-47; Matthew 19:3-9).

Jesus upheld the high standard of the Law, yet He clearly placed the legitimate needs of people before any rules or regulations (Matthew 12:1-13; Mark 2:23-3:5). The scriptures make it clear that no one will cease to sin in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:20; 1 John 1:8). Jesus made it plain, however, that one can know in this life that one has eternal life (John 5:24; 6:37-40), a theme developed by Paul throughout his epistles, and by John (1 John 5:10-13).

The Pharisees, quintessential spiritually abusive leaders, were quite unbalanced in their perception of what mattered most to God. Jesus said they, "...pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, - judgment, mercy, and faith...." (Matthew 23:23).

EFFECTS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE

An analogous situation exists with the victims of incest. The emotional and psychological symptoms exhibited by victims of incest parallel those of spiritual abuse to a remarkable degree. The main symptom is the inability to relate normally to people who represent the source of their emotional injury.

Besides an unhealthy fear of, and disillusionment with, spiritual authorities, the spiritually abused person may find it difficult to trust even God. "How could (or why did) He let this happen to me?" Anger is also deeply felt. Anger itself is not always wrong - God Himself expresses anger at such spiritual abuse (see Biblical Response, above). However, even legitimate anger, if not properly channeled and dealt with, can degenerate into bitterness and cynicism toward everything spiritual.

RECOVERY FROM SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Afterward the abused person must learn the true nature of God's grace, love and forgiveness. This is the foundation for being able to eventually forgive the abuser. Being able to share the experience and what has been learned so as to minister to someone else's need is also very important. This could be done in a support group made up of people with a similar experience who can share the healing love of Christ.

IDENTIFYING THE ABUSIVE SYSTEM

You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men (1 Cor. 7:23). “Power-posturing simply means that leaders spend a lot of time focused on their own authority and reminding others of it, as well. This is necessary because their spiritual authority isn’t real—based on genuine godly character—it is postured.” (p.63)

“Those who are in positions of true leadership demonstrate authority, spiritual power, and credibility by their lives and message.” (p.64)

“As Romans 13:1 says, There is no authority except from God. Being hired or elected to a spiritual position, talking the loudest, or giving the most does not give someone authority.” (p.64)

2. Performance Preoccupation

“Among my people are wicked men who lie in wait like men who snare birds… their houses are full of deceit; they have become rich and powerful… Their evil deeds have no limit; they do not plead the cause of the fatherless… they do not defend the rights of the poor” (Jer. 5:26-28).

“If obedience and service is flowing out of you as a result of your dependence on God alone, you won’t keep track of it with an eye toward reward, you’ll just do it. But if you’re preoccupied with whether you’ve done enough to please God, then you’re not looking at Him, you’re looking at your own works. And you’re also concerned about who else might be looking at you, evaluating you. Why would anyone keep track of their ‘godly’ behavior unless they were trying to earn spiritual points because of it?” (p.65)

“Are obedience and submission important? Without question. This can be seen in Romans 13:1…1 Peter 5:5…and Hebrews 13:17. To bring balance, however, we must add to these verses an equally important passage. Consider the words of Peter and the other apostles in Acts 5:29: ‘We must obey God rather than men.’ Notice that Peter is saying this to the religious leaders he was disobeying. Out of context, obedience to leaders looks like good theology. Add the larger context, and you will see that it is only appropriate to obey and submit to leadership when their authority is from God and their stance is consistent with His.” (p.66)

“In Romans 12:2 Paul says, ‘Do not be conformed… but be transformed… ’. In a performance-based church or family, that verse might be applied like this: ‘Our church or leader is right; we have a truer, purer ‘word’ from God than others. Therefore, we must adhere to our formula or brand of Christianity as hard and fast as possible—so we won’t become like those out there who don’t think as we do. If I do not live up to all I’ve been taught here, I will be letting God down.’ This orientation squeezes people from the outside in. They are not transformed, they are conformed.” (p.66)

3. Unspoken Rules

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you devour widow’s houses, even while for a pretense you make long prayers; therefore you shall receive greater condemnation” (Matt. 23:14).

“‘You know we must never disagree with the pastor on his sermons—and if you do, you will never be trusted and never be allowed to minister in any capacity in this church.’ In this case, the unspoken rule is: Do not disagree with the church authorities —especially the pastor—or your loyalty will be suspect. Rules like this remain unspoken, because examining them in the light of mature dialogue would instantly reveal how illogical, unhealthy and anti-Christian they are. So silence becomes the fortress wall of protection, shielding the pastor’s power position from scrutiny or challenge.” (p.67)

In some churches there is “an unwritten and unspoken rule that said, ‘It is better to be nice than honest’.” “If you speak about the problem out loud, you are the problem.” “The truth is, when people talk about problems out loud, they don't cause them, they simply expose them.” (p.68)

“Too many churches communicate this kind of shaming message: ‘The problem is not that your boundaries were crossed and violated, the problem is that you talked. If you would not have made such a big deal, everything would still be fine.’ If a person accepts that message, they will stop talking.

The real problem, however, is that if a Christian who feels violated stops talking, then the perpetrator will never be held accountable for his behavior.” (p.69)

4. Lack of Balance

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light” (Matt. 11:28).

Johnson and VanVonderen identify two extremes, both of which produce an unbalanced approach to living out the Christian life—Extreme Objectivism and Extreme Subjectivism.

“The first extreme is an empirical approach to life, which elevates objective truth to the exclusion of valid subjective experience.” (p.69)

“This approach to spirituality creates a system in which authority is based upon the level of education and intellectual capacity alone, rather than on intimacy with God, obedience and sensitivity to his Spirit.” (p.70)

“The other manifestation of lack of balance is seen in an extremely subjective approach to Christian life. What is true is decided on the basis of feelings and experiences, giving more weight to them than what the Bible declares.” (p.70)

“Even further, we believe it is dishonest—even dangerous—simply to receive and act upon a spiritual directive because you are ‘supposed to be submissive’, or because someone is ‘in authority’. In the end, God is the One before whom we must all stand, the one to whom we must answer.” (p.71)

They tie up heavy loads, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger (Matt. 23:4).

5. Paranoia

“In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)

“Ironically, Jesus and Paul both warned that one of the worst dangers to the flock was from wolves in the house (Matthew 10:16; Acts 20:29-30).” (p.74)

6. Misplaced Loyalty

“The next characteristic of spiritually abusive systems is that a misplaced sense of loyalty is fostered and even demanded. We’re not talking about loyalty to Christ, but about loyalty to a given organization, church, or leader.” (p.76)

“A common way this is accomplished is by setting up a system where disloyalty to or disagreement with the leadership is construed as the same thing as disobeying God. Questioning leaders is equal to questioning God. After all, the leader is the authority, and authority is always right. This causes people to misplace their loyalty in a leader, a church or an organization.” (p.76)

“There are three factors that come into play here, adding up to misplaced loyalty. First, leadership projects a ‘we alone are right’ mentality, which permeates the system. Members must remain in the system if they want to be ‘safe,’ or to stay ‘on good terms’ with God, or not to be viewed as wrong or ‘backslidden.’ The second factor that brings about misplaced loyalty is the use of ‘scare tactics.’ For example:

• God is going to withdraw His Spirit from you and your family.
• God will destroy your business.
• Without our protection, Satan will get your children.
• You and your family will come under a curse.

The third method of calling forth misplaced loyalty is the threat of humiliation. This is done by publicly shaming, exposing, or threatening to remove people from the group.

In the abusive system, it is the fear of being exposed, humiliated or removed that insures your proper allegiance, and insulates those in authority. You can be ‘exposed’ for asking too many questions, for disobeying the unspoken rules, or for disagreeing with authority. People are made public examples in order to send a message to those who remain. Others have phone campaigns launched against them, to warn their friends and others in the group about how ‘dangerous’ they are.” (p.76,77)

7. Secretive

“When you see people in a religious system being secretive —watch out. People don’t hide what is appropriate; they hide what is inappropriate.” (p.78)

“One reason spiritually abusive families and churches are secretive is because they are so image conscious. People in these systems can’t even live up to their own performance standards, so they have to hide what is real. Some believe they must do this in order to protect God’s good name. So how things look and what others think becomes more important than what’s real. They become God’s ‘public relations agents.’ The truth is, He’s not hiring anyone for this position.” (p.78)

Johnson and VanVonderen believe it is imperative to refocus victims of spiritual abuse on the truth about God and His “good news”. For this reason, they offer a list of “reminders,” from the heart of God as follows: